I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
