Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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