I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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