I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
