I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
