How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
