well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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