Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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