it wasn't lemon gatorade
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
