I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
