I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
