can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
