She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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