I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
