wake up i wanna do it froggy style
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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