Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
