The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
