I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
handjob tips. give me some.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I can't turn off my feet"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
