last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
