Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
