I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
