Just fell off a train. Bad.
Apparently you make a good broom.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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