she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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