My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i think i just naturally attract stoners
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
