I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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