did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Its about making memories worth repressing
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
