I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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