Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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