I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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