I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
