I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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