Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
