What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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