Plan B is the new Plan A
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
