i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize