I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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