You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
