i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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