When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
