3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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