you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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