So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
