I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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