my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
