If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
