Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
