i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
