he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
