that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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