So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
did i walk over a car last night?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
