Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
