He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
