yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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