so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize