Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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