My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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