Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
