omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
