these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
