we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Let's paint friendship bongs
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
