He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What a dumb baby whore.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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