Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
