i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
