you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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