I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
