White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
