I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
