I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
