I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
