also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
