What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Bring me that man meat
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
