I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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